Ingy Badingy starts public school first grade the week after next, and I'm really quite bummed about it. I had thought we'd be home-schooling. I just haven't reconciled myself to the fact that she's actually going to be attending public school rather than homeschool. Mr. BikeMan has assured me that if it becomes apparent that it wasn't the right choice, we'll pull her; but still, at this time last year, I thought we'd be reveling in the arrival of boxes of new curricula, excited with the thought of starting ancient history, Latin or Greek and field trips on the fly.
I haven't wanted to leave the house because I've felt absolutely rotten from allergies; my doctor prescribed Zyrtec and it isn't touching them.
I then made the realization that summer is almost done and here we are Where George Walked, and we haven't been to one historic site since we arrived over a month ago.
Then there is the loneliness factor (see last post), and I started feeling very sorry for myself.
We haven't really landed at Church yet, and I just don't know if it's where we should be.
So I decided I had better complete a Fruit of the Spirit reality check (see Galatians 5:22 - 26).
- Love (I Corinthians 13) is patient and kind; it is not envious, boastful, arrogant or rude; it doesn't insist on its own way; not irritable or resentful; rejoices not in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. It bears, believes, hopes and endures. Love endures. Reality check: let's go right to irritable. Oh good grief. Could I have snapped any more this week? I tend to use, ahem, that time as an excuse. Well, it isn't an excuse. I should employ self control. So, the next time that Ilsa asks me for the 9th time in a row if she could sit on my lap, I will not not not not snap "NO!" at her.
- Joy (James 1:2) is not based upon circumstances. So, those blooey blues were not showing Fruit, huh? Watch this object lesson:
- True Peace (Philippians 4:7), which only comes from Jesus himself is far bigger than anything we can understand. I don't understand why certain situations are playing out the way they are right now, but I need to lean on His peace. He understands the big picture.
- Patience. Self explanatory. So, does this mean I should have played the dreaded, loathed, worse than water-boarding torture game, Candyland with the girls, and not manipulated the situation to guilt him into playing?
- Kindness. My words have not been kind.
- Goodness. Hmmmm. What is goodness? The Greek word is chrestotes, which means moral goodness and integrity, benignity or kindness. So, when I said that I would be done on the computer "in a few minutes" and I wasn't, I was not exhibiting goodness, as I was not showing integrity, or truthfulness to my word. Yikes.
- Faithfulness. Trust and holy fervor, born of faith relating to God, according to the Greek lexicon for this specific word, pistis. Well, I haven't been showing holy fervor. In fact, this past week I have seriously doubted why I was even attending church at all. Running through my mind were thoughts like, "I don't act any differently as a parent than how I perceive non-Christians act towards their children. I shout, scream, have no patience, am not showing any Godly example to them..." But as Mr. BikeMan reminded me, "what do you think we would act like if we weren't attending church? Wouldn't it be a lot worse?"
- Gentleness. Mildness of disposition, gentleness of spirit, meekness. See 5.
- Self-control. "The virtue of one who masters his desires and passions, especially sensual appetites." I can say that in this area, while not 100%, I'm not receiving a failing grade. Unless you count too much web-surfing (though not unworthy websites) having a lack of self-control. But I did send that pair of shoes back to Zappos, and I did walk right past the Philosophy counter without buying that Bubble Gum Blowout-scented bubble bath, and I did not purchase that big bag of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the Halloween candy display at the Commissary. On the other hand, I stayed up way too late watching too many streaming Netflix episodes of Doctor Who when I should have been in bed, and I should have done the laundry instead of putting it off while I did other stuff, and I did spend way too many hours on the Well Trained Mind message board, even though these are all great things in and of themselves, I need to have the self-control to know when to stop. So I guess less than 100% is a failing grade, huh?
So, how do I improve? It's not under my own power, that's for sure. The Fruit of the Spirit is not The Fruit of The BreadBaker..it's from The Spirit. As soon as I acknowledge that I can't do it by myself, the riper that fruit will become.